FEDERAL AGENTS ASSUME JURISDICTION IN GIRAFFE DEATH

The FBI has assumed jurisdiction over possible murder of one of Tucson Zoo's giraffes. An animal apprentice has confessed to accidentally feeding the giraffes oleander leaves. which are poisonous to giraffes. Two of the many giraffes in  the zoo were sickened, one died.

The apprentice was fired.

We are not certain of the basis for federal action in this case. The deceased giraffe might have been born in Africa but the birth certificate has not been found. Federal agents will leave  no stone unturned now that a few trillion dollars more has been infused into the federal colossus.