LIMBAUGH THREATENS TO SEEK HEALTH CARE ELSEWHERE

Rush Limbaugh said on his program today that if Obamacare passes, he would travel to a different country to obtain health care. I published a column on that point in Inside Tucson Business on March 8. It is unlawful in Canada and I am certain it will be in the U.S. for a doctor to accept payment directly from a patient.

Limbaugh threatened to leave the country for treatment. I have already done it. Last Wednesday, March 3d, I flew to Progreso, Tamaulipas, Mexico where placental stem cells were implanted in my body, a procedure that is illegal in the U.S.

AL QAEDA MOVING FOR LESS SPECTACULAR ASSAULTS

And all this time we thought al-Qaeda (al-Q) wanted to kill us. Well, they still do, but they now know they can kill us only in small numbers. So they have settled for inconveniencing us. They consider the 6-hour wait at LaGuardia because somebody walked through the wrong door as a victory.  We consider it an inconvenience,

You see, Americans are becoming inured to inconvenience. We are trained to tolerate it by our own government. So we put up with "Your call is very important to us..." and stuff like that. A few hours on the tarmac before departure? "We are experiencing very heavy volume at this time."  Knock down buildings full of people? Well, we rather do run amok then. But such operations are becoming increasingly difficult  to pull off.

Killing vast numbers of innocent civilians, including fellow Muslims, cost al-Q support in Iraq. Al-Q thought all Muslims accepted the dictat of Adam Gadahn that Jihad is the personal duty of every able-bodied Muslim  on the face of the earth. But somehow, not all Muslims want to get blown up. So al-Q is settling for less spectacular affronts, those that will try to protect Muslims. That puts a severe crimp in their operations. Apparently, they are now willing to consider messing up the inventory at Safeway such that they run out of potato chips as a victory.

So ready yourself for increasing inconvenience. And know that every such delay might just be the work of al-Q.

HIGHEST SALES TAX IN NORTH AMERICA

In preparation of Arizonans for its vote on increasing the state sales tax by a full cent, we went all the way to Canada to find the highest sales tax: 15.5% on Prince Edward Island. Arrgghh. We can be glad we're nowhere near that figure. So how is PEI doing? Well, it's an island so they rather have you trapped. And it's in the North Atlantic so the weather is horrible. There's little reason to go there. PEI has not become the mercantile high spot of northeastern Canada. The 138,000 residents are taxing each other rich. There is one day in summer when the weather is clear. You guess which one. It claims fame (?) for its potatoes, red sand beaches, and the irrepressible Anne of  Green Gables. Photo: Typical PEIer.

NEW YORK MAY BE SALT FREE

There is a bill in the New York State Legislature that would make it a criminal offense to use salt in the preparation of restaurant meals. So be prepared to bring your own salt. Many nutritionists say that salt is an essential part of a good diet. But they refer not to bleached table sale, but sun-dried sea salt with all the natural minerals left in.

Good salt is not cheap, but it is affordable. So far, they have not outlawed patrons using salt, only cooking with it in restaurants. Nor does it prohibit salt shakers on the tables.

"Okay, dirt bag, up against the wall. What have you got there, coke, crystal meth? Salt?? Well, alright. But only if it's for your personal use and not for resale...."

Maybe we're moving in the direction of China: "Liaoning Province in northeast China plans to launch a campaign to crack down on illegal salt businesses in order to regulate the local salt market, said Vice Governor Guo Tingbiao Thursday. 

"In China, salt is monopolized by the government, but in recent years, a large number of unlicensed small salt fields have mushroomed in Liaoning and smuggled salt is sold in large quantities in local shops, according to the official." -- People's Daily. 

STATE TRIES TO ENCOURAGE MORE GAMBLING

Unable to persuade more Arizonans to gamble, the director of the state lottery wants to get Arizonans who do gamble to gamble more. Jeff Hatch-Miller said plans already are under way to get those who might spend just a few bucks a week to plunk down even more money in hopes of scratching it rich or hitting the right combination of numbers to make them instant millionaires. That includes a new scratchers game aimed at the younger crowd. Winners will be able to get not only money but also music downloads.

In other words, Hatch-Miller hopes to further impoverish lottery players for the general good. Maybe he can get the players to put all their money into lottery tickets. Then they can go on welfare when they lose it all. 

The lottery is a game that plays on the ignorance of the players (don't they all?). It advertises in such a way as to suggest that it is parimutual gambling, It is not. Every ticket has the same odds of winning regardless of the number sold. Remember the slogan "Somebody has to win." Wrong. Many weeks nobody wins and the jackpot rolls over. But the house collects the bets from that week. 

How about this one: "You can't win if you don't play." Yes you can, By not playing, you get to keep your bet in your pocket. If you do play, your odds of winning are spelled out on the ticket. That's the only sure winner.

The lottery, like all gambling, depends on the gullibility of the player, the ignorance of the laws governing the play and the built-in bias in favor of the house. Want to play a game with close-to-even odds? Find a roulette wheel without 0 or 00. Who would operate such a wheel? The house would be on the same level as the players. You can't keep the house open like that.

No, the state wants to get younger and younger players into the game. It is a losing game. You have to close your eyes to the true odds to play. Maybe we can change the law so kids can play. "Why just buy lunch with your lunch money, Johnny? You can take a chance on winning this brand new bike or even this off-roader, or a week at kiddie-land in Las Vegas! You're never too young to gamble your money away. 

Next, the state needs to get those old, senile people to gamble. They don't know what they're doing -- Perfect players.

PATIENT'S MEDICAL RECORDS POSTED ONLINE

 It all happened in Britain. But it could never happen here because....  Well because....   Well we're just superior people.... or something like that.

The program, one of the largest of its kind in the world, will eventually hold the private records of more than 50 million patients. Ours, of course, will be much larger. And if you want to talk to somebody in Obamaville about it, just give them a call. "Your call is very important to us. We are experiencing an unexpectedly high number of calls at this time. Please call back later. Goodbye." So much for the sanctity of your records.

What I am saying, of course, is that it very well could happen here if we succumb to the pressure to implement national health care. Those in Britain who do not wish to have their details on the £11 billion computer system are supposed to be able to opt out by informing health authorities.(Note the default position is posting. You have to affirmatively opt-out of having your records made public.) But doctors have accused the Government of rushing the project through, so that patients have had their details uploaded to the database before they have had a chance to object.

 The National Health Service has also been accused of leaving dead bodies lying around. But I'm sure if you point that out to them, they would remedy the situation soon. “We are experiencing an unexpectedly high volume of dead bodies on the wards...."

The NHS has allowed 50,000 patients a year to die of malnutrition right in the hospital. "Your experience may be recorded for quality and training purposes. If you wish to speak in Welsh, press 5."

Why do I tell you about these British problems? Because we are about to adopt that system for our very own,

WOMAN CAUSES ACCIDENT SHAVING PUDENDA WHILE DRIVING

A woman who shaved what the news service delicately calls "her bikini area" while driving caused a car crash in the Florida Keys, prompting police to issue fresh warnings about shaving and driving, MyFox National reported Monday.

Megan Mariah Barnes, 37, crashed into another vehicle after giving her ex-husband the wheel as she shaved her private parts.

Barnes was driving to meet her boyfriend in Key West and told authorities she wanted to be “ready for the visit,” WJZ.com reported.

There's plenty weird about this story, but the weirdest part, IMO, is that her husband was involved in getting her ready for her boyfriend.

GIFFORDS RALLY AGAINST OBAMACARE

A rally will be held at the office of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords Tuesday in Tucson. Rumor is that if she steps out of her hole and sees her shadow, we'll have 6 more weeks of posturing and ignoring the will of the people.

ONLINE GAMBLING WILL MAKE YOU (A) RICHER? (B) POORER?

Looking for still more ways to transfer money from you to the Treasury, the administration is preparing to further tap your vices. Right now, Barney Frank is writing up a bill to allow -- and tax -- online gambling. A recent report from the Joint Committee on Taxation indicates they think such activity could generate more than $42 billion in tax revenue over the net decade. Not all of this would be new money. Much of it would be siphoned off other gambling venues like Las Vegas and Indian casinos, all of which have fallen on hard times lately. The latter have been so hard hit, many of them are defaulting on their mortgages and other obligations. This pits existing gambling venues against the new online venue. Each of these will produce less revenue than anticipated as each cannibalizes the other. 

COTTONBALL FELONY

Two students at the University of Missouri at Columbia were arrested yesterday and charged with felony hate crimes for throwing cotton balls on the lawn of the Black Culture Center. Some deplored the elevation of littering to felony status, Others noted how otherwise clean the campus was.

DYING FOR THE PRICE OF RICE

North Korea considers the price of rice a state secret. There is no known reason other than that North Korea considers everything a state secret. Some guy named Chong made the mistake of telling a friend in South Korea on his cell phone the price of rice in North Korea. He was killed by firing squad for his indiscretion. Now that's a tight ship Kim is running there.

BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME....AND STEAL IT

Little League practice begins tomorrow at Field of Dreams Park, but only until sundown. Somebody ripped out the copper wiring for the lights and stole it, a $45,000 loss that probably netted the thief $45. The park administration is reluctant to repair the damage fearing it will only be stolen again. This happens every time the price of scrap copper goes up.

INFLATION ALERT: TUCSON

Pima County is proposing a 40% increase in sewer fees. It had previously proposed a 53% increase. This will probably be promoted as a 13% savings. Federal regulations control the amount of nitrogen in the water released into the Santa Cruz River. Why are the feds involved? No one knows. In any event, upgrades must be made to two treatment plants by 2015 at a cost of $797 million in 2010 dollars.

The good news is that with this nitrogen restriction, you will be able to do more fishing for healthier fish in the Santa Cruz. Decoded for out-of-town readers: there are no fish in the Santa Cruz River. There is no water in the Santa Cruz River except for a few days in summer floods. It is a dry wash. So why are the feds so concerned about the health of the fish in the Santa Cruz, requiring us to spend $797 million to protect non-existent fish? That's just one of the mysteries of life. (Pictured, left, the Santa Cruz at flood stage)

Next I expect federal regulations on the asphalt mix we can use patching the roadway on Broadway to protect the health of the non-existent eagles nesting in the potholes (r).

THE SMILE OF HAITI

This kid is emblematic of the rescue in Haiti. The kid has a knack for show business. Having been buried so long, as soon as he got free, he naturally acknowledged the applause of the crowd. His has been called the Mile Wide Smile. He's seven  years old. Keep this picture in mind. We haven't heard the last of him. We don't have his name officially, but one of his rescuers referred to him as "Kiki." (sp)

A THOUGHT WHILE FLYING OVER TEXAS

Ever since Richard Reid (below left) tried to set his shoes on fire, passengers on airlines have to take off their shoes for inspection. But last Christmas, a guy tried to set fire to his underpants and nobody has suggested we all have to submit our underwear, for inspection (below right).